I don't make it any secret that it's been quite a journey for me to reach a point of true self-acceptance in terms of who I am as a mother and a person, to fully embody that Anti-Pinterest Parent mindset and be okay with it. I wanted to be the baking, exploring, DIY mom offering my child all the homemade Montessori-inspired things. And then I tried...
I don't hide the fact that I went through a period of depression when I realized I would never be that mom. I felt like I was failing my son daily by not being able to be this perfectly put-together person, and it took a long little while, some pretty tough lows, a lot of self reflection, and professional help for me to dig myself out of the pit I had created. To each his own, but I strongly hold the belief that if you find something that works for you, be that meditation or medication, then you stick with it. Mine was a mix of therapy, mindfulness, testing out different daily mantras, a specific medication regimen, and something that gave me an outlet for myself while still benefiting my son. Maybe that last one felt like I was making up for not being Mrs. Pie-Cooling-On-The-Window-Sill by putting educational tools in my home for cheap, like providing pre-made things to help him grow his brain power would replace the fact that I couldn't manage creating a color coordinated seasonally themed explorative play garden.
But I'm not sharing this to wallow in my failures. I'm sharing this to show that it's okay to fail. Had I not tried and failed miserably at being that Pinterest Mom, I would have never had the awakening in my self-worth that those failures pushed me to. Had I never reached that moment of realizing that, regardless of my social media highlight reel comparisons, I was still being a good mom and being exactly what my son needed. And had I never realized that, I would have never been called to share my life on the internet. But my goal was to make my highlights real.
I wanted to reach the moms that were still stalling behind a corner wiping silent tears and wishing they could be better. I wanted to be the listening ear they needed, the shoulder to rest on, and the one to say, "You think that's bad? Hold my coffee..." I want to bring forward the realistic, beautiful, difficult, stressful, amazing parts of motherhood, all those pieces that social media has told us for far too long to stuff down inside and hide.
✔Yes, we love our children. But also yes, sometimes we just want them to stop talking for a few minutes so we can think.
✔Yes, my son's hugs can't be beat. But also yes, sometimes I am completely touched out by 2pm and bribe my toddler with sweets and cartoons so I can sit peacefully on my own.
✔Yes, I am a good mother and a complete hot mess at the same time. And that's okay. It's okay if you are, too. So the next time you're hiding in the bathroom wishing for a moment of peace, wishing that you didn't feel the need to wish for that moment, and wishing you were anything other than exactly what you are, remember:
Your child doesn't need a perfect mom.
Your child needs a happy one.
And your child needs you, messes and all.
Please enjoy the video I've included here - one of my early Facebook lives when I was still quite uncomfortable on camera and had just reached a point of being able to joke about my attempts of being this ideal mom I had pictured. Share your own, or if any of this struck a chord in your heart then please don't hesitate to reach out to me via this site, my facebook, my instagram, etc. Moms gotta be there for each other.
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